#something.. unresolved

[deadpoetsmusings]

december has gone by a little too fast / the year end always gives me a whiplash

[helenvaughans]

[sword-wielding-sapphic]

Holmes and Watson / Tristan and Isolde

BBC Radio 4's Sherlock Holmes, The Devil's Foot (radio drama transcript) /// Granada's The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, The Red Circle /// Metafictional Monday: Tristan und Isolde, @teaformrholmes /// Brayton Polka, LIEBESTOD: On Love and Death in Wagner's "Tristan und Isolde", p. 246 /// The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, Vincent Starrett /// BBC Radio 4's Sherlock Holmes, The Devil's Foot (radio drama transcript)

[seaglassdinosaur]

Bro… the best day of their lives and the worst night they ever experienced happening back to back… pain and beauty being so closely interlinked. The push that day, night, and the outcome gave Sammie to pursue music. Sammie having nightmares for the rest of his life, well into his graying years, but never regretting the day he had at the Juke Joint.

Stack and Mary finally being able to be happy together, at the cost of the freedom of their spirits. Joy and community that can be found within dreadful circumstances. I Lied to You, a song about the conflict and separation between father and son that is transformed into communal connection. The song sung at the catalyst night, and that cements Sammie’s path as a musician. Pain that is turned into art that turns into freedom.

Delta Slim transitioning from a traumatic recollection into an improvised song as he mourns a dear friend who was lynched. That maybe in a better world art shouldn’t have to be made out of suffering, nor suffering transformed into art, but with the history that exists and the world we live in, what other choice is there?

[burntoutangel]

A guardian angel who’s been with her charge for years. They practically grew up together, and ever since she realized she could see her, they’ve both been there for each other. Keeping her safe from the dark, telling her jokes on boring car rides, supporting her in transition. They’re like best friends or sisters, and even if they Angel isn’t around 24/7(everyone needs privacy now and then. Girls do, and even angels do), she’s only a name away.

And so she’s not entirely surprised when she’s called to chat on her charges smoke break. Manifesting her form in a grimy alley behind the shitty restaurant she’s been working at, calling out a few lines about the virtues of patience and humility, and how she should really quit smoking. What is a surprise is her girl grabbing the back of her neck and muttering “Angel, I need some *real* relief right now. Not just pretty words”. They’ve never touched like this before. And her voice has never been so gravely and full of… want. And so the angels first experience today in the physical world is her bare knees grating against the damp and grimy concrete, hands against the faded concrete, whimpering and grinding her hips as her charge, the girl she’s been with for years, uses the hand not holding a cigarette to fuck her throat until the angels nose is buried in her crotch~ it smells like sweat and precum and grease and smoke, this is far beyond what an angel, especially a *guardian* should do but fuck it just feels so good

The five minute break seems to stretch to eternity until a final shove hilts every inch of tired, underpaid girldick into her angelic throat, and the angel has her first whimpering shuddering pathetic orgasm at the feeling of her humans cum coating her mouth from throat to tongue, dripping the last remnants of it onto her eager lips. “Fuck honey, that was amazing. Look, my shifts about to start again but. You teleport to our place when im done, and I’ll make it up to you ok? Thanks for always being there for me” her girl says with a soft kiss to the cheek before turning quickly into the back door of the building, almost managing to hide her neon blush in the process

It takes a fair few minutes for the angel to collect herself. Dusting off her bruised knees, shyly licking the last of the cum off her lips and hands. Trying to get any remaining ash or dust off her robes. That was definitely more than a guardian was allowed to do. But she hardly cares. All that matters is the thought of her charge coming home and fucking her senseless again ❤️

[nat-but-free]

i sure hope these characters get a good arc

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

idk if i'm the only one who has noticed this, but i feel like a lot of movies and shows nowadays are, for the lack of a better word, “too cool for apologies”.

meaning that any time a character makes a mistake or hurts someone, they don't really apologize. they either do one good thing and everything is a-okay, or in slightly better cases, they make some effort to better themselves.

it's gotten to the point where i've genuinely been taken aback by apologies in movies, especially ones that aren't just “i'm sorry” “it's okay”. actual apologies that address the person's behavior, promise to do better and doesn't expect immediate forgiveness in return are so rare in media.

now i'm usually not a fan of telling instead of showing, but this is an exception for me. i do think that an apology is warranted along with a change of behaviour, especially in cases of more serious mistakes.

of course, a change of behaviour is more important than the apology but that doesn't mean you can just skip the apology entirely.

it takes a lot of courage to admit that you have made a mistake, especially for characters whose fatal flaw is their hubris or their stubbornness. a good apology can make for some really great character development, as well as provide some closure for both the characters as well as the audience.

idk it's just weird when two characters don't discuss the shit that went down between them at all and simply start working together again out of the blue. it never sits well with me, it always feels like the story is incomplete.

[lazylittledragon]

y'know what. sometimes there is something wrong with you. and i don't mean in a "you are broken and that makes you unworthy" way, just in the "your brain/body does not work the way it's expected to and that's why things are so hard" way

like as someone who grew up constantly being told there was nothing wrong with me and i just had to try harder to clean/socialise/work, knowing i had ADHD earlier would've saved me a LOT of guilt. knowing i have IBS would've prevented a lot of pain/embarrassment from not being able to manage it yet. i wish someone had told me there was a reason i couldn't do things instead of just telling me i was fine. people reassuring me i didn't have any issues to spare me the shame of being "different" only made me feel worse about not being able to function like everyone else!!!

idk sometimes i just wish i knew there was something different about me sooner bc then i would've had an explanation and a way to get better instead of just a lot of self loathing

[tsuchigomochi]

addendum to “I think there’s something wrong with me”

[dontbelasagne]

Pete Mctighe really likes to end an episode off with the doctor yelling at us about individual responsibility and personal harm as to why this system continually harms us all :)

[lord-squiggletits]

Y'know I kind of feel like when Megatron killed Tarn and said 'I want you to spend your final moments thinking of this: that everything you've done has been for nothing' he was kind of self-projecting onto Tarn? Mainly because at Megatron's statue, M and T had a conversation where Tarn explicitly asked if all the Decepticons in service to Megatron died for nothing, if HE did everything he did for nothing. (And I think M even gave an answer along the lines of 'idk I think we basically did'). And then after Megatron killed the DJD and Rodimus teleported in to rescue him, there was that silent moment where Megatron just stared at Rodimus not moving at all before he finally took his hand at the last moment.

It honestly feels to me like for a while, Megatron fully intended to murder-suicide himself. Murder the DJD, his monsters and his creation, and then take himself out alongside them, because he is also a monster. Because he also feels that everything he's ever done has been for nothing.

Goddamn it's no wonder I liked that scene so much LMAO, as someone who thinks villain Megatron > Autobot Megatron, literally one of his key traits is that Megatron basically took his pain/trauma/worldview and used it to lash out at the universe and try to subjugate it to his vision. So the fact that he took his own pain and brutally murdered the DJD while telling them the very same thing that puts him through so much agony is so very deliciously ironic. And a return, however brief, to the Megatron characterization that I know and love.

[adhd-merlin]

[thee-morrigan]

So, like…what if Rook kept journals? And what if Holland found them while cleaning out the attic?

[hoyaanae]

ALWAYS HOME 树下有片红房子

When we think of home do we think of our hometown? our family? the neighborhood we grew up in? our childhood friends? is it a place? a person? a collection of memories? the time we shared with them? or simply, a feeling? does it warm your heart or fill you up with nostalgia? do you feel happy and sad at the same time? do you sometimes wish to go back in time and experience it again? does it break your heart a little but makes you smile all the same? does it reminds you of big moments, of celebrations and happy occasions? or just the mundane things in life? like the rustling of leaves that particular afternoon, the smell of food from the dining table, the chirping of crickets at night, the happy noise from the living room. for me, it's all of it. this show reminded me of what's it like to be home (as i haven't been in a while). we all have different definition of home but somehow, i think, it feels similar. it makes you feel warm, at ease, and sometimes, a place where you can cry your heart out.

it's a story of youth, friendship, family, and romance. of heartbreak, loss and grief, reconciliation, and moving forward. of dreams and failures, first love, "eternal love", and to circle back – home.

this is as straightforward as it can get story-wise, but the characters - oh those lovely characters, i love them with all my heart. they were written and treated with care, even the supporting roles touched my heart in ways I did not expect. I get to feel for them, understand their dilemmas, and get where they're coming from. It's probably among the few dramas where I did not dislike a single character. They just feel real and alive. You see different dynamics in each family, in their friendship, and their romantic relationships. The subtlety in which moment the shift began, where one character fall in love, when the crack formed, and when you look back, which was the last time before the permanent goodbye.

The thing about youth dramas is that you just need a certain formula and when you get it right, you get it right. And they done it right. It's a cute and easy watch but also prepare for some emotional waves here and there. A box of tissue is recommended. Each family conflict made me cry - not just once, not even twice or thrice. I honestly lost count. But it's a good cry.

In terms of romance, it's quite a slowburn. As a viewer, i saw, in its most subtle form, when and which moment did each of them fall in love. But if the characters can answer back, i think they'll probably feign ignorance or just outright deny it. But tbh i don't think they themselves realized that's when they started to fall in love. In Darcy's words, "I was in the middle before I knew I had begun." Everyone else knew they'll end up together somehow but they're the last to know. Classic friends-to-lovers formula.

The first half reminded me of the feeling of home, of nostalgia, of the memories of me growing up. It feels familiarly bittersweet. The last episodes, however, deals with the characters' inner conflicts, of reconciliation of past trauma and insecurities. It started asking the question "Are you happy?" It makes you reflect on yourself as well. Is your present self satisfied with your expectations from the past you? The "you" many years ago, when you were young and innocent and full of passion. Have you reached the goal you made when you were in high school? Are you on the path you so eagerly planned to take when you were young and full of energy and hope? Have your dreams changed? Or did you simply opted for the safer route? Did you sacrificed what you wanted for the sake of family? Did you compromised what you really wanted for what was needed at that time? Are you happy with the way things turned out? Are you at peace with yourself now? Or are you still in search for that one thing to make you truly happy? Are you still finding the missing piece to the puzzle that is life? Have you let go of the past that haunted you for so long? Have you forgiven yourself for something that's out of your control? Have you found yourself? Have you found your home? Are you home now?

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

ford: would you be interested in a dd&md campaign where nothing bad happens whatsoever

stan: what’s the fun in that?

ford: the escape from our chronic depression

stan: …can i raid a dragon’s hoard or somethin

ford: you can. you can even mock the dragon so hard it dies

stan: holy shit yeah i’m in

[shrewfern]

crestfallen

sirius black x reader page count: 3 word count: 1386 summary: remus is jealous of you and sirius /// ‘...and so, we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly —’ “OH, GROSS!” a voice cried from the stairway as the slamming of a heavy door echoed.  Remus inhaled and just as deeply exhaled, the sound of footsteps pounding their way down the stone stairs. Less than five seconds later, a traumatized James appears at the foot of the threshold.  “Moony!” James wailed as he pointed to the stairwell, the annoying aura of that one gross, sticky, smelly kid who wore that zip-up creeper hoodie from elementary school palpable, “Moony, they’re snogging agai-ai-aiinnnnn!!!” “I know,” Remus sighed, putting his book down. And he did know, he’s accidentally walked in on Sirius and [y/n] making out more times than he can count. Be it in the dorm rooms, the common room, the Forbidden Forest, the Quidditch pitch — everywhere! Every-fucking-where! They were practically glued at the tongue! “I know,” Remus repeated with the air of a soldier who buried his heart with his fallen country. “I know.”

Normally during breakfast, Remus could hardly keep his eyes off Sirius. Strangely, though, as of the past few weeks, when [y/n] infiltrated the Marauders, he couldn’t keep his eyes off them. But he didn’t feel the same way he did when he looked at Sirius. No, no, when he looked at Sirius, he felt…warm. Happy. Content with life. But [y/n]?? Fucking [y/n]????? He wanted to tear out their spine and shove it down their Sirius-sucking throat! Like, actually. Who the bitch do they think they are? But, he kept that to himself; it wasn’t very socially acceptable to tear off your boyfriend—I MEAN BOY BEST FRIEND's partner’s nails. So, he sat there, hunched over his...his… What—what is that? Beans on a bagel?? God, British people are a bunch of freaky deakies.  Okay, okay, so he ate his bean bagel and by god was he royally pissed at the mere thought of  Sirius wrapping an arm around this hoe. But that they were actually doing it???? In front of him???? What the actual skibidi toilet??? Sirius should have his arms wrapped around HIM — wait that’s kinda gay tho.

Despite his eternal rage, time moves on. During Potions, Sirius helped [y/n] cut their dandelion roots, even though, “THEY’RE TOTALLY CAPABLE OF DOING IT THEMSELVES,” Remus explained in a loud “whisper” to James and Peter. Somehow both of them were totally oblivious to the fact that [y/n] was clearly taking advantage of his lover – I mean their age-old friend. Yep, friend. Friend, friend, friend. That’s what Sirius is to Remus, a friend. Golly, what a weird word, “friend”. Like, friend? I barely know her! Friend…Sounds weird haha. God, [y/n] is such a fucking dickwad.

Transfiguration. Turning a rabbit into a bo’oh’o’wa’er. Easy, right? WRONG! I dunno, man, shit’s hard when some stupid fucking hoebag is busy fucking giggling in your goddamn ear! “Wdym ‘in your ear’ they’re literally in the seat adjacent to you,” James said plainly. Where the hell James learned the word “adjacent” is a concern beyond Remus’ line of sight. This bitch is literally high-key on god no cap so annoying. Like actually. It’s the kind of annoying where the people in front of you are walking slowly but there’s no way to walk around them so you just have to try to not push them over times a hundred. “Lupin, your rabbit!” A girlish voice behind him squealed. In his train of malicious thought, Remus nearly suffocated the poor thing…It was [y/n]’s fault, though! If they weren’t shrieking like a maniac whenever Sirius breathed in their general direction, he wouldn’t have been so pissed off.

“Ummmm…” [y/n] hums, turning Remus’ porcelain teacup clockwise, glancing at a book every so often. They were reading each other's tea leaves, and for whatever reason, the Divination professor must hate Remus. Why else would she pair him with [y/n]? Fucking [y/n]!  At least they weren’t able to manipulate Sirius now, but still… God damn, [y/n] is such a stupid asswipe. Looking up at him with those STUPID eyes, they said, “Well, here you’ve got a…a spider web over here,” they looked back at their book, “That could represent jealousy…” DAMN RIGHT. “But in it,” they went on, “is a heart.” They looked from the drenched tea leaves to Remus. “Are you jealous of someone?” they asked innocently. Well, innocently enough; Remus could see the snakeish gleam in their eyes — the serpent that lies beneath the innocent flower.  ‘ArE yOu JeAlOuS oF sOmEoNe?’ NO YOU DUMB BITCH THAT’S STUPID. Being jealous is for pussies, and by god Remus is NOT a pussy. But y’know who is? [y/n]. Honestly, he could bitchslap that dumdum right here, right now. Who knows, it might be like in the cartoons when someone gets hit in the head a second time and they go back to being themselves. “No, that’s silly,” Remus replied calmly, looking into their pink porcelain teacup.  Crack! Remus is holding [y/n]’s cup so calmly, he accidentally cracked it! Once again, this is obviously [y/n]’s fault! If they weren’t so stupid, he wouldn’t have strangled the cup. I mean, hell, if they didn’t exist, all of the world’s problems would be solved! No more hunger, no more war, no more dating Sirius — Sirius would be single and ready to mingle. Ready to mingle. Ready. To. Mingle. Mingle. Mingle with Remus — wait what. 

The rest of the day continued in a similar fashion: Sirius and [y/n] h*ling h*nds, Remus strangling whatever he was holding, and James and Peter trying to calm Remus down.

Honestly, who the hell do they think they are? (“Remus, a word?”) “You look very pretty today [y/n],” Sirius cooed. (“Remus.”) Remus couldn’t see the appeal. (“Remus?”) Maybe if they ate all that makeup instead of smearing it all over their face, they might actually look tolerable on the inside — “REMUS!”  Remus snapped his murderous gaze from [y/n] to James. “Remus,” James said, gesturing to a corner (the same one Sirius and [y/n] were making out in exactly three hours, twelve minutes, and forty-two seconds ago), “a word?” No response. “Now?” “What?!” Remus hissed once they made it to the corner. “Dude what the actual hell??” “What do you mean what the hell?!” “Moony, you’ve been a total bitch all day!” “Nuh-uh!” “Yes the fuck you have been!” James whispered loudly. “Honestly, you’re being a jealous bitch!” And it was true: Remus has been a total beta all day. In fact, it was more than all day; he’d been a total beta all last week, too. And the week before. And before…and before… Then it hit him: I’m in love with Sirius.  He looked at [y/n]. They were in Sirius’ lap, a loving smile plastered across their stupid face. But it wasn’t just their lips curled in adoration, it was their eyes too. Their eyes were love-sick as they looked at Sirius.  Remus’ heart fell; Sirius had the same look on his gorgeous face when he looked at [y/n]. At [y/n].  And so, there Remus stands, the ugly scowl that crossed his horrendous, scar-drawn face when he looked at [y/n] tilted into a frown. The eyes that had gone green with envy softened as water threatened to break through them. He loved Sirius and couldn’t stand the thought of him being with someone else, yet here he is. He clumsily picked up his heart as it lay there dying.  Honestly, why was he even making such a big deal about any of this? He was a werewolf for crying out loud, a werewolf! Who on this god-forsaken earth would want to even think about being with him — hugging him, holding his hand, welcoming him home after a long night’s work with a warm smile, placing a kiss on his scarred lips. Why would someone even think about laughing at his stupid jokes, dancing the rainy night away to some slow jazz, holding him late at night, not caring that he was a grotesque beast.  Why would anyone even think about looking at him…looking at him the way Sirius looks at [y/n]? Remus loved Sirius, but it was too late. With a defeated sigh, Remus turned his pitiful gaze from his fargone lover to James. “I know,” Remus murmured, burying his heart with his fallen love.